Sim Bit Double Play!

I'm starting to warm to the idea of doing these two at a time, especially when they're short. There's so goddamn many of them that I can easily afford to; and I've given up on numbering them, because it's a stupid gag.

1) Footnote, p494 - "[Kevin Garnett] keeps in shape by running on the beaches of Malibu every summer. The sheer comedy of a seven-foot black guy sprinting along the sands of the whitest, most uptight place on the planet can't be calculated. Some of his neighbors probably hadn't seen a black person in twenty years."

Is Malibu really more white and uptight than, say, any dry county in Utah? Moreso than Amish Country? How about, I don't know, Boston?

Leaving aside the white part, how about all of North Korea? I also doubt that people in Malibu haven't seen a black person in twenty years. I would happily take that bet.


2) From page 225 – “Given the racial climate of the fifties and the general resistance to the influx of black players, how could anyone have expected a fair vote when 85-90 percent of the players were white?”

which leads to...

Page 240 – In an MVP vote Simmons called “Fishy and Ultimately Not Okay”, Bill characterizes the selection of Bob Pettit this way: “…help me figure a coherent explanation for Pettit nearly tripling Russell in the ’59 voting that doesn’t involve a white hood.”

Wow. I guess the players put away their white hoods in 1958 when Russell won MVP and again in 1960 when Chamberlain won. And consider the implication: whites will never be fair to non-white players. So in another “Fishy and Ultimately Not Okay” vote (Bob McAdoo, 1975), when the players were presumably majority African-American, is it Bill’s opinion that black players were being racially biased against Rick Barry?

The more you look at Bill Simmons and the things he writes, the more you get the idea that you should just turn off your brain in order to read him. Malcolm Gladwell's books are supposed to be really good and thought-provoking; because he is friends with Bill Simmons, I declare Gladwell's work stupid by association and will not read any of his books. Take THAT, Gladwell!

Oh, I was supposed to do blurbs in this post. Sorry. That post is still coming.

Sim Bit #22: Bill Simmons, President of Race Relations, Part One

Unfortunately, there are a bunch Sim Bits on race. From a footnote on page 91:

“Pettit’s quadruple-printed card remains the easiest to find. Go figure, they quadruple-printed Pettit (white) and single-printed Russell (black). I’m sure this was a coincidence.”

Let’s look at this soberly:  In 1957, Bill Russell wasn’t Bill Russell yet. You’ll recall that it was Russell’s teammate Tommy Heinsohn who won the Rookie of the Year award over Russell. At the time, I’m certain that no one beyond Red Auerbach understood Russell’s real value. It’s a fact that Bob Cousy, not Russell, won the MVP award that season. Bob Pettit won the MVP and the NBA scoring title the season before. I have no doubt that Bob Pettit was a more important player than Russell was in 1957, but no, go on ahead Bill Simmons – just keep on casually making accusations of racism.

In fact, Simmons himself calls Bob Pettit the Alpha Dog of the 1957 season, but the people alive at the time who made the cards were racists for thinking the same thing?

Tomorrow: back to why we're here.