Saturday, January 19, 2013

Summary - The Story So Far

I'm a long-winded bastard who will never say in five words what I can say in twenty. But I have good news for you: I'm going to use this post to summarize everything that's happened on Bill Simmons' Bogus Book so far.

The Book of Basketball
     Obviously, these are posts dealing with Bill's bestseller.

Bill Simmons' Basketball Hall of Fame
  • It's a pyramid with all the best players on the top floor. Which is great, because people love to crowd into the top floor of a building that only gets smaller as it rises. Not to worry, though: There are more players at the top level than at the next level down. You know, pyramids.
  • There are ninety-six players in the BSHOF. And that number will never change, says Bill. And we'll have to throw players out when new players make a greater impact than the previous honorees.
Russell versus Chamberlain
  • Simmons says he can prove - yes, prove - that Bill Russell was better than Wilt Chamberlain.
  • Despite having such an ironclad argument, Bill Simmons engages in what I call "Simmons' Steps to Subterfuge". They are:
    1. Frame Issue With Negative Emotion - comparing the pro-Wilt argument to the OJ Simpson defense team
    2. Gloss Over Relevant Facts - his claim that everyone had a good supporting cast in the old days because the NBA was so small. Never mind that the sport wasn't fully integrated when Bill Russell entered the league. Never mind that the shot clock had only been around for two years at that time. Never mind that NBA basketball was only in its eleventh season, that the jump shot was still a pretty new concept, that the lane was narrow, that dunking was frowned upon. The league was small, so every team was good.
    3. Muddy The Waters - despite claiming to compare Russell and Chamberlain, Simmons examines Russell's first three seasons and throws out a bunch of names and resumes. The aim here is to build his credibility by mentioning a bunch of players his audience knows nothing about.
    4. Never Define, Never Explain - Bill's modus operandi, and really the foundation of the entire book. His arguments basically rest upon the phrase "Because I said so". There are more Simmons's Steps to Subterfuge, but I don't want to spoil anything.
  • According to Bill, there are six common myths about the Russell-Chamberlain debate. The ones we've looked at so far are:
Sim Bits
  • These are small portions of The Book of Basketball that didn't merit a long post, but needed to be addressed anyway:
Shaq and Shaq Alone
Gloss over relevant facts, indeed.

Shower Rape is a Gold Mine For Comedy
Commentary is superfluous.

No One Is Better Qualified To Comment on Racial Matters Than A Privileged White Kid From Boston
.

Off-Topic
  • If all I did was write about The Book of Basketball, I'd go freaking mad.

The 2011 NBA Finals
Nailed it.

Still Alive!
I went eighteen months without posting. What the hell, I'm poor. When the computer crashes, it can take some time to get a new one when you're not made of money. And if you've forgotten your old password...well, the point is, BSBB is back.

Catching Up
All the comments I missed in those eighteen months.

Bill Simmons on the Baseball Hall of Fame*
*From 2007. George W. Bush was still president when Bill Simmons had something to say about the Baseball Hall of Fame, but: since the BBHOF was in the news, Bill couldn't let it go without saying something. For those of you who think, "Bill Simmons used to be good", this column proves: no. No he did not.

...and that's where we're at now. I swear I'll finish this Wilt v. Russell business very soon, and we'll move on to other parts of this stupid book. And I'll go off-topic more often because it is a very stupid book. Although, for the sake of balance, I'll write a post about the stuff in the book that I liked. It wasn't all bad. Only mostly.

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